[nukkad] FW: HOW OLD ARE YOU ?

[sameers@gisqatar.org.qa]

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From:  krishna kumar
Sent:  Monday, August 18, 1997 8:03 AM
Subject:  HOW OLD ARE YOU ?




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>
> 
> Subject: 	FW: You know you're an e-mail junkie
> 
> >>This is for all of you out there...
> >>
> >>You know you're an e-mail junkie...
> >>1.      You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check
> >>your e-mail on the way back to bed.
> >>2.      You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with
> >>Netscape Navigator 1.1 or higher."
> >>3.      You name your children Eudora, Mozillia and Dotcom.
> >>4.      You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like
> >>you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
> >>5.      You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your
> >>lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
> >>6.      You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two,
> >>just for the free Internet access.
> >>7.      You laugh at people with 9600-baud modems.
> >>8.      You start using smileys in your snail mail.
> >>9.      Your hard drive crashes.  You haven't logged in for two hours.
> >>
> >>You start to twitch.  You pick up the phone and manually dial your
> >>ISP's   access number.
> >>
> >>You try to hum to communicate with the modem.  ...And you succeed.
> >>10.     You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a
> >>word processor.com
> >>11.     You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
> >>12.     You start introducing yourself as "JohnDoe at AOL dot com."
> >>13.     All of your friends have an @ in their names.
> >>14.     Your cat has its own home page.
> >>15.     You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
> >>16.     You check your mail.  It says "no new messages." So you check
> >>it again.
> >>17.     Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
> >>18.     You don't know what sex three of your closest friends are,
> >>because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
> >>19.     You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you
> >>landscape.
> >>20.     You tell the cab driver
> >>"http://1000.edison.garden/house/brick.html"
> >>21.     You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
> 
> Subject: 	FW: The Boss
> 
>      A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner
>      points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says:  "the
>      parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".
> 
>      "Why, does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man. The owner
>      says
>      "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".
> 
>      The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one
>      costs
>      1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot
>      can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
>      Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot
>      to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars.  Needless to say this begs
>      the
>      question "What can it do?"
> 
>      To which the owner replies "to be honest I have never seen it do a
>      thing but the other two call him boss!".
> 
> Subject: 	FW: sardar ki kahani -Reply
> 
> 
> >>Subject: Ek sardar ki kahani...
>      >>
>      >>
>      >>  EK baar ek plane mein ek muslim, ek hindu, ek sardar aur ek
> american
>      >> ja rahe hain. Suddenly plane ka ek engine goes bad. So everybody
> is
>      >> advised to jump. But they find out that there are no parachutes
on
> the
>      >> plane. Sardar being a little bold sochta hai saale marna to hai
hi
> why
>      >> not try something, vo apni turban kholta hai aur dono ends pakad
> ke
>      >> jumplaga deta hai. Luckily idea kaam kar jaata hai aur vo float
> karne
>      >> lag jaata hai. Seeing this hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and
> does
>      >> the same, he also starts floating. Now Muslim also removes his
> kurta
>      >> and does the same and he too starts floating. Now comes
> American's
>      >> turn Poor chap is wearing a torn Bermudas and a tattered baniyan
> type
>      >> T-shirt. Anyway he also removes them ties everything up and
> jumps.
> Now
>      >> he starts falling very quickly. On the way to the ground he
passes
> the
>      >> Mohammedan, Who says "Allah tumhari khair kare", then he
> passes
>      >> Pandit.  Pandit says "Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare". Now when
> he
>      >> quickly passes Sardar, Sardar says "accha race lagana hai, to le"
> and
>      >> he lets go of the turban.
> 
> 
> Subject: 	FW: Happy Surdies
> 
>   
> Q:   How do you measure a surd's intelligence? 
>        A:   Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear! 
>   
>        Q:   Why do surds wear their hair up? 
>        A:   To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. 
>   
>        Q:   HOW DO YOU KEEP A SURD BUSY ALL DAY? 
>        A:   Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner. 
>   
>        Q:   A surd going to London on a plane, how can you steal 
>             his window seat? 
>        A:   Tell him the seats that are going to London are 
>             all in the middle row. 
>   
>        Q:   WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SURD THROWS A PIN AT YOU? 
>        A:   Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth. 
>   
>        Q:   How do you make a surd laugh on 
>             Saturday? 
>        A:   Tell him a joke on Wednesday. 
>   
>        Q:   What is the surd doing when he holds 
>             his hands tightly over his ears? 
>        A:   Trying to hold on to a thought. 
>   
>        Q:   Why did the surd stare at frozen orange 
>             juice can for 2 hours? 
>        A:   Because it said 'concentrate'. 
>   
>        Q:   Why do surds work seven days a week? 
>        A:   So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. 
>   
>        Q:   What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had 
>             already written on the overhead transparency? 
>        A:   He turned it over and used the other side. 
>   
>        Q:   Why did god give surds 2% more brains than horses? 
>        A:   Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during 
>              parades. 
>   
>        Q:   How does a surd measure his/her IQ? 
>        A:   With a tire gauge!  (da da dum) 
>   
>        Q:   How do you make a surd laugh on Monday mornings ? 
>        A:   Tell them a joke on Friday night ! 
>   
>        Q:   How do you confuse a surd? 
>        A:   You don't. They're born that way. 
>   
>        Q:   How do you keep a surd in suspense? 
>        A:   (I'll tell you tomorrow.) 
>   
>        Q:   How do you keep a surd busy? 
>        A:   Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper. 
>   
>        Q:   Why can't surds make ice cubes? 
>        A:   They always forget the recipe. 
>   
>        Q:   How did the surd try to kill the bird? 
>        A:   He threw it off a cliff. 
>   
>        Q:   What's the difference between a surd and a computer? 
>        A:   You only have to punch information into a computer once. 
>   
>        Q:   Why do men like surd jokes?? 
>        A:   Because they can understand them. 
>   
>        Q:   Why do surds wash their hair in the sink? 
>        A:   Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! 
>   
>        Q:   How many surds does it take to change a lightbulb? 
>       A1:   "What's a lightbulb?" 
>       A2:   One. Heholds the bulb and the world revolves around hin. 
>       A3:   Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!" 
>   
>        Q:   What does a surd say when you ask his if his blinker is on? 
>        A:   It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. 
>   
>        Q:   What do you get when you offer a surd a penny for his 
>             thoughts? 
>        A:   Change. 
>   
>        Q:   What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear? 
>        A:   A wind tunnel. 
>   
>        Q:   What do you call a surd in an institution of higher 
>             learning? 
>        A:   A visitor. 
>   
>        Q:   What do you call a surd with half a brain? 
>        A:   Gifted! 
>   
>        Q:   What do you call a surd in a tree with a brief case? 
>        A:   Branch Manager. 
>   
>        Q:   What do you call a smart surd? 
>       A1:   A golden retriever. 
>       A2:   An indicator of a really bad hangover. 
>   
>        Q:   What do you see when you look into a surd's eyes? 
>        A:   The back of his head. 
>   
>        Q:   What do you do when a surd throes a hand grenade at you? 
>        A:   Pull the pin and throw it back. 
>   
>        Q:   What do a bowling ball and a surd have in common? 
>       A1:   Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter. 
>       A2:   You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw
> them 
>             in the gutter and they'll always come back. 
>   
>        Q:   What does a surd and a beer bottle have in common? 
>        A:   They're both empty from the neck up. 
>   
>        Q:   What is surd's cheer? 
>        A:   " I'm surd, I'm surd, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. 
>             I'm surd, I'm surd, yea yea yea..." 
>   
>        Q:   Why are surds hurt by peoples words? 
>        A:   Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. 
>   
>        Q:   Why can't surds put in light bulbs? 
>        A:   They keep breaking them with the hammers. 
>   
>        Q:   When is it legal to shoot a surd in the head? 
>        A:   When you have a tire pump to reinflate it! 
>   
>        Q:   Whats the difference between a Surd and a Supermarket 
>             Trolley. 
>        A:   A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own. 
>   
>        Q:   What was the surd psychic's greatest achievment? 
>        A:   An IN-body experience! 
>   
>        Q:   Why is the surd's brain the size of a pea in the morning? 
>        A:   It swells at night. 
>   
>        Q:   A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should 
>             cut it in six or twelve pieces. 
>        A:   "Six, please.  I could never eat twelve pieces." 
>   
>        Q:   What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? 
>        A:   A surd parade. 
>   
>        Q:   GUY ASKED HIS SURD WIFE"HOW DID YOU GET THE CAR IN THE
> LIVING 
>            ROOM"? 
>        A:   She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left." 
>   
>        Q:   SOMEONE ASKED IF A SURD BELEIVED IN SMOKING. 
>        A:   He said "Yes, I've seen it done." 
>   
>        A surd's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": 
>           "I don't have to think -- I'm surd!" 
>   
>        SURD #1:  "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" 
>        SURD #2:  "No, who wrote it?" 
>   
>        What about the surd wife who gave birth to twins? 
>        Her husband is out looking for the other man. 
>   
>       SURD:  "Excuse me sir, what time is it?" 
>       MAN:  "It's 3:15." 
>       SURD: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest
> thing, 
>              I have been asking that question all day, and each time I
> get 
>              a different answer." 
>   
>         Two surds observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of 
>         their Mercedes with a coat hanger: 
>   
>         Surd#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! 
>   
>         Surd#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting 
>         to rain and the top is down! 
>   
>           Did you here about the surd that stayed up all night to see 
>           where the sun went ? It finally dawned on him. 
>   
>        A surd was driving down the highway to Disneyland when he saw 
>        a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, 
>        he said to himself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. 
>   
>        On his way home the same surd drove past another sign that said 
>        "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time he drove eight miles, 
>        he had cleaned 43 restrooms. 
>   
>        Three surds are attempting to change a light bulb. One of 
>        them decides to call 911: 
>         Surd:   We need help. We're three surds changing 
>                 a light bulb. 
>         Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? 
>         Surd:   Yes. 
>         Operator: The power in the house in on? 
>         Surd:   Of course. 
>         Operator: And the switch is on? 
>         Surd:   Yes, yes. 
>         Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? 
>         Surd:   No, it's working fine. 
>         Operator: Then what's the problem? 
>         Surd:   We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and 
>                 we all fell and hurt ourselves.
> 
> BYE BYE 
> SAM
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 

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