[nukkad] Marital Rape !!

[Rajan Malhotra <>]

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1. What is marital rape ?
 
- Wife Rape is the term used to describe sexual acts
committed without a person's consent and/or against a
person's will, when the perpetrator (attacker) is the
woman's husband or ex-husband. Many battered women
have reported that husbands have demanded sex directly
following a beating, as proof that the woman
"forgives" him for beating her. When a woman submits
to sexual acts out of fear or coercion, it is rape. 

2. Why Would a Man Rape His Wife?

- Researchers who have spoken with husband-rapists
conclude that husband-rapists rape to reinforce their 
power, dominance, or control over their wife or
family, or to express anger. 

3. Why Would a Woman Stay With a Man Who Raped Her?

- The answers to this question are very complicated.
Many women believe it is part of their "wifely duty"
to have sex with their husbands, even if it is violent
sex against their own will. Many religious doctrines
do outline sexual acts as a "duty" for wives. Many
women cannot leave a relationship because they do not
have the financial resources to do so. If she has
children, a woman's ability to leave is complicated by
the added problem of moving her children with her
(taking them out of school, away from friends) or
abandoning her children. . In addition, some women may
not leave due to love and loyalty to the husband,
which may override her own pain and suffering. The
decision to leave a person you care about or love can
be very difficult

4. If You Have Experienced Sex Without Your Consent or
Against Your Will by Your Husband or Partner...

- Very serious disagreements which don't get resolved
can lead to separation or divorce. But having a
disagreement never gives a husband the right to rape a
wife." In Beijing in 1995, all governments represented
in the United Nations voted to abolish the marital
privilege to sex on demand (see New York Times,
September 10, 1995: Women's Meeting Agrees on Right to
Say No to Sex - A Spouse's Prerogative, Draft Wording
Asserts Right to Make Sexual Decisions Free From
Coercion, by Seth Faison). You do not deserve to be
abused and/or degraded in this manner, and you do have
legal and human rights. 

5. The following lists are adapted from When Your Wife
Says NO.
- Stop denying what you are doing to your wife:  Admit
that you are forcing sex on her. 
- Decide to stop sexually abusing your wife now. 
- Begin to understand the pain and harm you are
causing your wife by forcing sex on her. 
- Begin to work on your problems by getting into
treatment with a trained specialist who works with
people who are sexually aggressive. Begin your search
for help at either batterer treatment programs, sex
therapists, or marriage therapists. 

6. A healthy sexual relationship is one in which:

- Each person honors and esteems the other as a
separate and special individual with feelings, needs,
and dreams of their own; each being equal in personal
rights and freedom.  
- Each desires to cooperate and participate in making
sexual activity a positive and pleasurable aspect of
the relationship for both partners.
- Each is open with the other in discussing any sexual
or other intimacy issues arising in the relationship.
- Each shares responsibility in deciding upon a system
for family planning and safe sex.

Sex which is freely, intelligently, and voluntarily
given by your partner is sex with consent. Your
partner deserves to maintain her bodily integrity; she
deserves your respect.


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