[nukkad] : Review of Yadein

["Kotian, Satish" <>]

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>  
> 
> The high point of the movie was the five minute intermission break. 
> 
> Is it just me, or is something tragic really happening to Hindi movies?
> This movie was made by the so called greatest showman of Indian cinema in
> the recent years. This showman, very frankly, needs to be horse-whipped in
> a public place. So do the actors who actually agreed to work in this joke
> of a movie, which stinks too much to be used as fuel in a bio-gas plant. 
> 
> OK, so here's how the cheese dik director of this movie produced this
> bollywood bile. The first thing he needed was a name. Almost every word
> that existed was taken, and "Shyaanaa Shahensha" wouldn't have been a
> great name, so he settled for the YAADEIN. The next thing was money. He
> needed piles and piles of it. So he goes around with a begging bowl,
> roping in some big companies. Coke, Pass-Pass (a pan masala type
> mouthfreshner) and Hero cycles finally relented, but only the condition !
> that they get a coverage as good as an advertisement. Sub-Arse Ghai
> agreed. Then, he needed some big names. He calls in Jackie, Hrithik and
> the Kareena (For some reason I don't find this chic pretty. She reminds me
> of Randhir Kapoor too much. I mean, I fantasised about kissing her a few
> times. But as soon as I was about a hair's breadth away from her lips, her
> face suddenly changes to Randhir Kapoor's with that idiotic grin. But this
> is besides the point). Ok, so Subhash Ghai ropes in these big names. Now
> he also need a villian, so he calls in Amrish Puri too. But then, he had
> promised a few other guys and gals that he'll give them a break and all
> that crap. So, calls in two more guys and two more gals. Now, with all
> that money he takes the crew of some 'phoren' locations, where they shoot
> lots of songs. Few in UK, few in Malaysia and all. In the middle of all
> this, he gets calls from Coke, Pass-Pass guys etc, enquiring about their
> ad in the movie. Ghai remembers. The very next day and they shoot the ads.
> Fo! r coke, they shoot a few sequenc es where Jackie's wife tells him,
> "Coke toh aap ki kamzori hai", and Hrithik tells him, "Coke peekey aapka
> dimaag thanda ho jaataa hai." Then they shoot a party scene, with everyone
> dressed in the most formal of formal outfits, with the hero and a gal (she
> was promised a break by Subhash Ghai) holding coke cans (you'd have
> expected wine goblets, or those long stemmed glasses or some other crystal
> ware...but no. Coke it is). Then they push in another song, with Jackie
> tapping a Coke can to give the starting beats. Jackie also displays a Coke
> key chain about 5 times in different poses. The Coke guy is happy and
> smiling. The Pass-Pass guy is pissed, so he calls up Ghai in the middle of
> the night threatning to withdraw the finance. Ghai wakes up early next
> morning and shoots a few ads for Pass-Pass. The first ad shows Hrithik and
> yet another chic (Ghai promised her too) holding a box of Pass-Pass. The
> chic asks 4 times, "Tumhey Pass-Pass yaad hai?." In the second ad, Kareena
> and a! nother chic (you guessed it...Gh ai and his promises) hold packs of
> Pass-Pass and go, "Pass Pass bulaye dilon ko Pass-Pass". Few more ads,
> where the whole family eats Pass-Pass. Now, the Hero Cycle's agent, who
> was keeping an eye on all these ads makes a long distance call to his
> boss, "Boss, woh log key ad toh bana daaley, magar is chashmish ney
> hamarey liye ghanta bhi nahin banaya". Subhash Ghai is given a big danda
> by the Hero company, so Ghai once again starts making yet another ad. This
> time ad shows a cycle race (world championship..nothing less). Lots of
> gals, ride some bicycles for like 2 minutes, and Kareena wins the race
> becoming the world champion (look at the simplicity). She get the prize
> from "HERO CYCLES", displayed boldy on a big banner. 
> 
> Now everyone is getting pissed as they haven't yet started making the
> movie. The first two chics and the two dudes raise a racket cos almost 60%
> of the movie's contents have been shot but they didn't get to do jackshit.
> So Ghai starts making the movie.! Jackie is getting old, so he ma de the
> father. The three girls are made his daughters. Two of the girls are
> married off to the other two bozos in simple ceremonies. Kareena has been
> left for Hrithik. But wait a minute, everything is going so smooth. There
> have to be certain complications, so the second daughter suddenly gets
> illtreated at her inlaws house and she demands a divorce, causing Jackie
> to lose all faith in love and love marriages. So, it won't be easy for
> Hrithik to marry Kareena. In the meantime, Jackie also promises an old Rai
> sahib that Hrithik will marry his daughter. Hrithik comes and asks Jackie
> for his daughter;s hand. Jackie refuses, but neither he, nor we are sure
> why he is refusing. Is it cos he doesn't trust love marriages or is it cos
> he has already promised someone else about Hrithik. To ease the situation,
> the director, once again reunites the second daughter and her hubby. The
> first daughter has no clue what the heck she is doing in the movie. Amrish
> puri by now had started foaming ! from his mouth cos he was taken in as a
> villian, but he didn't get to do anything. So, a scene is hastily shot in
> which he calls jackie a "gareeb" and all that crap, and thus becomes the
> villian. A bright one then suggests to Ghai, "boss, yeh dotcom ka zamana
> hai. Picchar mein dotcom hona ich mangta hai". So Hrithik who was shown as
> a dancer and singer and all, is suddenly running a website business . I
> thought the whole night but I couldn't figure what exactly he was doing
> with dotcoms. Was he a developer, was he hosting those sites?..anyways... 
> In all this confusion, the realisation strikes Ghai that the title of the
> movie has got nothing to do with the contents of the movie. He could have
> as well called it "Bagpiper". So once, more, a scene is shot where Jackie
> reads out a sher which says something like, "Log aatey hain toh YAADEIN
> lekey aatey hain, aur log jaatey hain toh YAADEIN lekey jaatey hain". Or
> something to that effect. Hence the name YAADEIN. Finally the climax is
> shot where the recently tur! ned villian Amrish Puri, turns b ack to his
> goody-goody self and the lovers are reunited. 
> 
> ...and somewhere in this jumble, a poor sod like me, travels 30 miles,
> buys a 8 dollar ticket (times 4 coz that desi theater owner wants me to
> pay for my 2 year old son too) and sits without a groan for the whole 3
> hours. 
> 
> (Somebody shoot me)
> 
> 
>   
> 


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