[Nukkad]Computer follies and tech support

[Mohammed Siddiqui <>]

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Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved.  -- Osho.
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Hi,
Quite lengthy but funny enough to bring a smile!
bye
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Here are some conversations, which had actually taken 
place between help desk people and their customers: 


Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a 
document, but the computer won't boot properly." 

Tech Support: "What does it say?" 

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." 

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" 

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." 
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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 
24 hours." 

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" 
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Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button." 

Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse." 
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." 

Customer: "Ok." 

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" 

Customer: "No." 

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" 

Customer: "No." 

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until 
this 

point?" 

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." 
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Customer: "I received the software update you sent,but I am still 
getting the same error message." 

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" 

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" 
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Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." 

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." 

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." 

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." 

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." 

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." 

Customer: "What?" 

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" 

Customer "No..." 
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Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" 

Tech Support: ?@#$> 
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Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can 
you see the 'OK' button displayed?" 

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" 
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Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?" 

Customer: "A white one." 
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Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." 

Customer: "How do you spell that?" 
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Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?" 

Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service) 

Tech Support: "Well then we can't-" 

Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'." 

Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. 
You need to-" 

Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have 
to try a few times, and it will let me through." 

Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now 
because 

you're on the phone with me." 

Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later." 
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Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?" 

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery 
store." 
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Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?" 

Customer: "Pentium." 
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Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." 
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Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder." 
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Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?" 
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Tech Support: "What does the screen say now?" 

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." 

Tech Support: "Well?" 

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?" 
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Customer: "I have a long distance modem." 
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Customer: "I don't have a space bar 

Mohammed  Siddiqui 
 


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