[nukkad] He found me

[adheer <>]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A military memo: "You are not an authorized signee. Please erase 
your initials and initial your erasure."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

John Powell a professor at Loyola University in
Chicago writes about a student in his Theology of
Faith class named Tommy:

Some twelve years ago, I stood watching my university
students file into the classroom for our first session
in the Theology of Faith. That was the first day I
first saw Tommy. My eyes and my mind both blinked. He
was combing his long flaxen hair, which hung six
inches below his shoulders.

It was the first time I had ever seen a boy with hair
that long. I guess it was just coming into fashion
then. I know in my mind that it isn’t what’s on your
head but what’s in it that counts; but on that day I
was unprepared and my emotions flipped.

I immediately filed Tommy under "S" for strange ...
very strange. Tommy turned out to be the "atheist in
residence" in my Theology of Faith course. He
constantly objected to, smirked at, or whined about
the possibility of an unconditionally loving
Father-God. We lived with each other in relative peace
for one semester, although I admit he was for me at
times a serious pain in the back pew.

When he came up at the end of the course to turn in
his final exam, he asked in a slightly cynical tone:
"Do you think I’ll ever find God?"

I decided instantly on a little shock therapy. "No!" I
said very emphatically.

"Oh," he responded, "I thought that was the product
you were pushing."

I let him get five steps from the classroom door and
then called out: "Tommy! I don’t think you’ll ever
find him, but I am absolutely certain that He will
find you!" He shrugged a little and left my class and
my life.

I felt slightly disappointed at the thought that he
had missed my clever line: "He will find you!" At
least I thought it was clever. Later I heard that
Tommy had graduated and I was duly grateful.

Then a sad report, I heard that Tommy had terminal
cancer. Before I could search him out, he came to see
me. When he walked into my office, his body was very
badly wasted, and the long hair had all fallen out as
a result of chemotherapy. But his eyes were bright and
his voice was firm, for the first time, I believe.
"Tommy, I’ve thought about you so often. I hear you
are sick!" I blurted out.

"Oh, yes, very sick. I have cancer in both lungs. It’s
a matter of weeks."

"Can you talk about it, Tom?"

"Sure, what would you like to know?"

"What’s it like to be only twenty-four and dying?"

"Well, it could be worse."

"Like what?"

"Well, like being fifty and having no values or
ideals, like being fifty and thinking that booze,
seducing women, and making money are the real
‘biggies’ in life."

I began to look through my mental file cabinet under
"S" where I had filed Tommy as strange. (It seems as
though everybody I try to reject by classification God
sends back into my life to educate me.)

But what I really came to see you about," Tom said, "
is something you said to me on the last day of class."
(He remembered!) He continued, "I asked you if you
thought I would ever find God and you said, ‘No!’
which surprised me. Then you said, ‘But he will find
you.’ I thought about that a lot, even though my
search for God was hardly intense at that time. (My
"clever" line. He thought about that a lot!) But when
the doctors removed a lump from my groin and told me
that it was malignant, then I got serious about
locating God. And when the malignancy spread into my
vital organs, I really began banging bloody fists
against the bronze doors of heaven.

But God did not come out. In fact, nothing happened.
Did you ever try anything for a long time with great
effort and with no success? You get psychologically
glutted, fed up with trying. And then you quit.

Well, one day I woke up, and instead of throwing a few
more futile appeals over that high brick wall to a God
who may be or may not be there, I just quit. I decided
that I didn’t really care ... about God, about an
afterlife, or anything like that. "I decided to spend
what time I had left doing something more profitable.
I thought about you and your class and I remembered
something else you had said: ‘The essential sadness is
to go through life without loving. But it would be
almost equally sad to go through life and leave this
world without ever telling those you loved that you
had loved them.’ "So I began with the hardest one: my
Dad. He was reading the newspaper when I approached
him."

"Dad". . .

"Yes, what?" he asked without lowering the newspaper.

"Dad, I would like to talk with you."

"Well, talk."

"I mean. .. It’s really important."

The newspaper came down three slow inches. "What is
it?"

"Dad, I love you. I just wanted you to know that." Tom
smiled at me and said with obvious satisfaction, as
though he felt a warm and secret joy flowing inside of
him: "The newspaper fluttered to the floor. Then my
father did two things I could never remember him ever
doing before. He cried and he hugged me.

And we talked all night, even though he had to go to
work the next morning. It felt so good to be close to
my father, to see his tears, to feel his hug, to hear
him say that he loved me. "It was easier with my
mother and little brother. They cried with me, too,
and we hugged each other, and started saying real nice
things to each other. We shared the things we had been
keeping secret for so many years. I was only sorry
about one thing: that I had waited so long. Here I was
just beginning to open up to all the people I had
actually been close to.

"Then, one day I turned around and God was there. He
didn’t come to me when I pleaded with him. I guess I
was like an animal trainer holding out a hoop, ‘C’mon,
jump through.’ ‘C’mon, I’ll give you three days ..
.three weeks.’ Apparently God does things in his own
way and at his own hour. "But the important thing is
that he was there. He found me.

You were right. He found me even after I stopped
looking for him."

"Tommy," I practically gasped, "I think you are saying
something very important and much more universal than
you realize. To me, at least, you are saying that the
surest way to find God is not to make him a private
possession, a problem solver, or an instant
consolation in time of need, but rather by opening to
love. You know, the Apostle John said that. He said
God is love, and anyone who lives in love is living
with God and God is living in him.’ Tom, could I ask
you a favor? You know, when I had you in class you
were a real pain. But (laughingly) you can make it all
up to me now. Would you come into my present Theology
of Faith course and tell them what you have just told
me? If I told them the same thing it wouldn’t be half
as effective as if you were to tell them."

"Oooh . . . I was ready for you, but I don’t know if
I’m ready for your class."

"Tom, think about it. If and when you are ready, give
me a call." In a few days Tommy called, said he was
ready for the class, that he wanted to do that for God
and for me. So we scheduled a date. However, he never
made it.

He had another appointment, far more important than
the one with me and my class. Of course, his life was
not really ended by his death, only changed.

He made the great step from faith into vision. He
found a life far more beautiful than the eye of man
has ever seen or the ear of man has ever heard or the
mind of man has ever imagined.

Before he died, we talked one last time. "I’m not
going to make it to your class," he said.

"I know, Tom."

"Will you tell them for me? Will you . . . tell the
whole world for me?"

"I will, Tom. I’ll tell them. I’ll do my best."

So, to all of you who have been kind enough to hear
this simple statement about love, thank you for
listening. And to you, Tommy, somewhere in the sunlit,
verdant hills of heaven: "I told them, Tommy . ...
...as best I could."



__________________________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Plus - Powerful. Affordable. Sign up now.
http://mailplus.yahoo.com


------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To join/leave, use the form at: http://www.mumbai-central.com/nukkad/#options
This list is archived at: http://www.mumbai-central.com/nukkad/archive.html