[nukkad] Indian Mother-in-law -- Saint or Shrew ???...

["Samira Razdan" <>]

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Ravi : and then she becomes a mother and repeats the entire cycle
preferring her sons...

farook : <<Please correct me if I am mistaken , it is frequently
woman who is the greatest enemy of woman !>>

Dr. TV : absolutely true. it irks me so much when the so called woman
activists keep blaming the men while the mother in law is almost
always one of the perpetrators.
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(Un)fortunately mothers-in-law(MIL) always end up as the "culprit".
True... some MIL are insensitive... even cruel... but most are
wonderful. I know... because my grandmother is one terrific woman! :-)

Now... the Journal of Aging and Identity and the Intl Journal of
Psychoanalysis... have published some nice articles about the (Asian)
MIL-daughter-in-law(DIL) "dilemma"... and this is what I understand...

In the Indian culture... when a woman's parents die and she loses
her husband through death or divorce... she often finds herself
quite alone in the world. Instinctively, she turns to her children
for emotional support... especially her sons. And although... she may
have no desire to interfere with her children's marriages, she
gets involved in a power struggle with her daughters-in-law. The fact
that her son(s) may "forget" her and "go away" with their wives
troubles her... and it may become very difficult for her to "share"
her sons with their wives. She usually feels guilty for the trouble
she causes... but desperation is her motive and she usually cannot
think of an alternative... for her own survival.

One of the articles even mentions that if the son is an only son...
then the mother becomes very dependent on her son... and matters can
get really serious... for all the 3... son/husband, wife and mother.

Her desperation and basic survival instinct make her think that she
cannot survive without her son... and soon he becomes the most
important person in her life.

Basically... her "helplessness" prevents her from seeing the situation
objectively. And some mothers even tell their son(s) how important he
is to her... and how she cannot live without him. :-)

As per the articles... most men have "temporary affairs" with different
women (until they are married)... while their mothers are there for
them all their lives. And hence many men feel that they owe a great
deal to their mothers... who gave birth to them and raised them. So...
when their mothers ask for help... they feel obliged to come to their
rescue.

Now... their wives are also important to them... but they feel
that the help they give their mothers should be encouraged by their
wives... not discouraged. And they often end up viewing their wives
protests as jealousy rather than a "valid" complaint.

So the famous MIL-DIL "war" continues... between... a desperate mother
with no one to turn to for help except her son... and a wife who finds
her MILs intrusions threatening, overbearing and frustrating. :-(

Thanks,
-Sam.







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