Re: [nukkad] co*re*

["Anna Morawska" <>]

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drtv wrote:

> it is certainly not a tradition to harass the new dil.
  it is a social evil that seems to have crept into some sections of the
  society.
 it has no sanction in the sastras and certainly not worth calling a
  tradition.

---------- It seems that in Indian society, as probably in all societies,
there exist two kinds of tradition: the one which is a 'high' pattern and
the one which is its 'low', practical realisation. It is the latter, I
think, that influences our life more directly.

> the sastras may say the male is superior to females

--------- If the sastras do so, they sanction it as a tradition, do they
not..?

> but also says where the
  female sheds tears the gods certainly do not reside.

------------ This may mean either that women are wrong shedding tears
because the tradition is good,  or that gods do not reside where it
prevails... I wonder...


> for the hindus of the yester years the rituals were the important things
to
  do and a man without a wife loses the right to do them.

------------- Why?  And is it to say that  wife was for the man just a means
of getting this right..?

> old Tamil literature shows that a male had to pay money to get a bride.
  it is only when the male female ratio got reversed that the situation has
  changed.

------------ Whoever pays the money it still looks like trade. Or does the
distance distort my view..?


> when family looks on a bride as an alien not a part of the family this can
  happen.
 why does that happen?
  has the bride failed to identify herself with the new found home?

------------ Or has the new found family failed to let her feel at home..?

> if a bride really sets her mind to it, she can win the love and affection
of
  the entire household and be the queen.how can anybody hate a person who
 showers unqualified love on you?

------------ So it is entirely the bride's responsibility?  Why not share
it? Or simply let the couple live on their own? Then mil as well as dil
could have their own ways and at the same time respect each other...

> unfortunately the ego does not allow.

------------ The ego may be a trouble maker in every situation. Unless we
are on a desert island...    : )))

> every mil has her own concepts of how things are to be done in every small
  work around the house.
  silly but it is there.

------------- True. And irrespective of the culture.

> it is no big deal to sail along with these idiosyncrasies.
  just a little tact and some determination, in my mind is the recipe.

------------- If on both sides, yes it is.   : ))



Best,

Anna.



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