Re: [nukkad] co*re*

[Dr T Vasudevan <>]

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The sentence 'We saw her duck' has three meanings.
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anna wrote:





---------- It seems that in Indian society, as probably in all societies,

there exist two kinds of tradition: the one which is a 'high' pattern and

the one which is its 'low', practical realisation. It is the latter, I

think, that influences our life more directly.

ðsome practical way outs develop in course of time in any society.

it will be wrong to attribute this to the tradition and culture.



> the sastras may say the male is superior to females



--------- If the sastras do so, they sanction it as a tradition, do they

not..?

¥re, yes!

> but also says where the

female sheds tears the gods certainly do not reside.



------------ This may mean either that women are wrong shedding tears

because the tradition is good, or that gods do not reside where it

prevails... I wonder...

še later certainly, though i have heard mothers sclod their daughters not

to shed tears for silly things as it is not good.



> for the hindus of the yester years the rituals were the important things

to do and a man without a wife loses the right to do them.



------------- Why? And is it to say that wife was for the man just a means

of getting this right..?

 is to say that a marriage is to propagate ones lineage and also to do

ones dharma. a man who has lost his wife loses this right.



> old Tamil literature shows that a male had to pay money to get a bride.

it is only when the male female ratio got reversed that the situation has

changed.



------------ Whoever pays the money it still looks like trade. Or does the

distance distort my view..?

~ll, the attitude is the girl was born for him and since she has been

looked after by the father, a small token to compensate .....





> when family looks on a bride as an alien not a part of the family this can

happen.

why does that happen?

has the bride failed to identify herself with the new found home?



------------ Or has the new found family failed to let her feel at home..?

rhaps both ways are possible



> if a bride really sets her mind to it, she can win the love and affection

of

the entire household and be the queen.how can anybody hate a person who

showers unqualified love on you?



------------ So it is entirely the bride's responsibility? Why not share

it? Or simply let the couple live on their own? Then mil as well as dil

could have their own ways and at the same time respect each other...



just pointing out that a bride need not be helpless but CAN do something

about it.

by enlarge a separate family set up is more possible in urban areas but not

in rural india.

i think it is better to face each other and come to terms by attitude

adjustments on both sides, rather than run away and take the easy way out of

no confrontation.

> unfortunately the ego does not allow.



------------ The ego may be a trouble maker in every situation. Unless we

are on a desert island... : )))

šen one will fight with oneself ;-))

when a fighting tendecy is there a victim can readily be found.



> every mil has her own concepts of how things are to be done in every small

work around the house.

silly but it is there.



------------- True. And irrespective of the culture.



> it is no big deal to sail along with these idiosyncrasies.

just a little tact and some determination, in my mind is the recipe.



------------- If on both sides, yes it is. : ))





greed!



regards

drtv


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