[nukkad] The Gujarati Story of Valentine.

["Ravi Menon" <>]

The Gujarati  Story of Valentine.

Not-withstanding, what nonsense you've been told by  a priest,
The truth is that the Valentine Day  originated in India,  and to top it, in
Gujarat ? a state of Mahatma Gandhi who preached  Non-violence!
Interested?  ...........................................Read further.

Well, it is  well known what the people in Gujarat are like, especially the
Patel men  folk.
It is a known fact that they (Patels) don't treat the opposite sex  (their
Patalanis) with the respect; some of the firebrand members of the  opposite
sex(wives) thought they deserved.

One fine day, it happended to  be 14th day of February, one brave Patalani
(Patel lady - her name is  thankfully lost in oblivion), had enough of
"Atyachar"(Torture) perpetrated  on her, by her husband, and then she
finally chose to rebel by beating up  her husband with a Velan...
Yeah, the same Velan with which she made  chapattis for him everyday; only
this time, instead of the dough, it was  the husband who was flattened like
a chapatti, albeit an oblong one.

This was a momentous occasion for all the Gujarati women and a revolt  soon
spread, like a wild fire, with several housewives beating up their, bad  as
well as good, husbands with Velan; and there was an outburst of  moaning
chapattis all over Anand and Amdavad.

This was a long time,  some 400 years ago, when Mahatma Gandhi was not
around.
The Patel men folk  learnt their lesson and behaved a bit better with their
Patalani partners.
However, there was no putting down the burgeoning feminist spirit of the
times, and each year that day the womenfolk, if only gingerly and lovingly,
as a token gesture, beat up their husbands to commemorate that eventful day,
which had contributed substantially to better their lot.

The men  folk also submitted to this, in good humor, since they didn't
really get  beaten up anyways. The entire ritual soon became a caring and
loving affair,  with wives having the satisfaction of beating up their
husbands, their  husbands cringing in mock fear and pain, and the guys
having the supreme joy  of submitting to the whims of the women they loved.
This custom continued  for many years, even when the British occupied India.

As Gujarat fell  more and more under the influence of Western Culture and
language, some of  the more fashionable and educated women, sometimes
wearing leather boots and  clothes (this even created a fad for leather
Velans for a short time, but it  soon passed, as they could not use them to
make chapattis) on that day  appeared with a Velan in hand, and called out
to their husbands "Velan time"  before starting off.

This was noticed by the British, and they were  quite amused and endeared by
the peculiar ritual. They also saw it for what  it really was, i.e. a
manifestation of love, not of hate. The ritual  soon spread to Britain and
many other Western countries, -specifically, the  catch words "Velan time!".
Of course in their foreign mouths, it was  bastardized to "Velan time" and
then to "Velantine".

And from that day  onwards, 14th of February, since it was indeed that day
that 400 years ago  an irate Gujarati Patalani housewife nearly committed
man-slaughter, came to  be known as Valentine's Day.
The custom of hitting with Velans died a  natural death, but 14th of Feb
still stands as a symbol of undying and  universal love.


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Kindness makes a fellow feel good whether it's being done to him 
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