[nukkad] What's it about cheese?

["Pankaj Gupta" <>]

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Bruce-Brigg's Law of Traffic: At any level of traffic, 
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Dear All,

Do you ever wonder, what's it about cheese? I mean the raw kind we call
paneer (cottage cheese), and that Indians love to put at a drop of hat in
anything edible--to make it inedible. Okay, I will not say I don't love
pakore, which my mother fries so well. But, hell, I hate it when I find
cheese dropped without a reason in something. Now, if the banana makes me
want to become a believer, cheese brings the atheist in me! When the
photographer says Cheese and thinks that I would smile, I am as cheesed off
as a hog in the bathtub. It is an insult to make people eat the smelly
pieces of white leftovers of wasted milk, and it's an insult to expect a
compliment on inviting this rueful guest to my dinner table.

Last year, I confronted my mother who cooked a dish with nothing but some
cheese and spices in it. Why should I eat something without any taste, which
is fattening, which has such obnoxious odour and which makes me say:
@!@!@$@#$@$%#% (Censored).

Let me assure you all, I have nothing against cheese--same as I have nothing
against the chicken. I am a vegetarian and I want to keep the cheese happy
as chicken, but not as a part of my meal. I have another reason to hate
cheese. About two years ago, I went out with one of my friends on a dinner.
We had some kind of soup which presumably had cheese in it. I started to
sense that the cheese tasted a little different than the usual cheese--just
as insipid, though. I asked my friend, a staunch chicken lover--but he told
me to cheese it! We finished the dinner and the waiter dutifully presented
the bill, which besides other things mentioned: One chicken XXX soup. From
that day, I stopped taking soup in the restaurants, unless it is plane
tomato soup. Last summers, though, they brought me tomato soup with some
kind of cheese in (it was cheese.). I have stopped taking soup altogether.

There are greater reasons to dislike cheese as well. Definitive studies have
proved that it is one of the worst health hazard--the worst among the
vegetarians. When I say the studies prove, these are the independent studies
I made at nights, while having nightmares about cheese. When I say
definitive, I mean that I am definite that they are true. And yes, as some
of you are discussing the methodologies used--they adopt the most absolute
methods. Cheese is unhealthy!

I am forced to stop my cheesy email here, because I have no more
cheeseparing to dispose at this time. Will get back on this one after my
next dinner! Till then: Say cheese!

Best,
Pankaj


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