RE: [nukkad] Dowry

[Satya <>]

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The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from 
a strong will, and the other from a strong won't. -- Henry Ward Beecher    
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Why are Indian parents so scared of taking their
 daughters  back?? 

This is because they are afraid of what the society
would think of the girl getting back...this is so
because the general tendency is that in most of the
cases girl only is to be blamed if any such thing
happens..but the sad part is that the girl's parents
who despite knowing the reality that fault lies on the
boy's side/his family,yield to pressure of conforming
to social norms....they know that girl cant lead an
independent life....why dont they make her capable of
living independently?

sometimes i think that how far would really the
empowering girls solve the problem...

points to be noted are :

girl's identity is associated with her husband
only...without him her social existence is nil.

whatsoever we claim,the bare truth is that woman are
not treated at par with men..

the perceived status of both girl and her parents is
lower than boy and his parents

the usual tendency is to attach the blame of a failed
marriage/any hitches in married life with girl only..
it becomes a social stigma for her which wont go
easily..

parents have a thinking that probably the boy and girl
if they start living together,their affection would
set the things right... 

girl is really treated as "paraya dhan" only..more
over delay in her marriage just increases the pressure
on the parents...in order to do their parental duty
they just get their daughter married hoping against
the hope that probably this wont be the case with
her..she would adjust somehow-something which she has
been taught since long..
 
they are taught right from the childhood that they
have to adjust somehow..onus of adjustment lies with
girl only in most of the cases..their self-confidence
is shaken..i wonder how many boys get the advice of
making compromises and adjustments with their wives?

girl's marriage is a daunting task..so many factors to
it..dowry,tantrums of boy and his family,horroscope
matching,caste problem,status matching,et al...hell
no. of factors are involved..so finally when someone
seems to be appealing the girl's folks are relieved
and would simply give their nod for the marriage...few
serious problems could be ignored for time
being..again hoping that somehow everything would be
ok later

easy money doesn't bite anyone,thus dowry wont die
easily.

empowering is a right step alongwith that parents
support is must...they have to be sagacious..they have
to take the social pressure or whatever in order to
ensure that they are marrying the girl with a right
boy and in right family..they have to be strong enough
and just care about themselves and their
daughters...they are not answerable to society in this
matter..their prime responsibilty is to ensure the
happiness and future of the girl.. if they can really
support and dont care about farcial societal
norms,there could be some hope...things are chaging
but at a slow pace..

..Satya  
ps: its a general case,case of influential
people,independent girls,etc is different...


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