[nukkad] dowry

["Shyam Mohan Garg" <>]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
To get respect, Learn to give some. It works same for love as well as hate.
- Azim, nukkad member
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

My notes on the Dowry system

Dowry practice is always been criticized. However, it has its own purpose
and objectives. Any system if it is so bad, can not continue for
generations.
In fact, it is the system of businessman or moneyed people and they use it
of various purposes. Others really can not understand it.

In 1965, when I was sitting in a family gathering, a father of a girl was
seeking alliance for her and claiming that he is ready to spend Rs 3.00
lakhs in her marriage (which was very high in those days). I was young then,
and asked the gathering, why the offer is coming from the girl's father
rather then the demand is coming from the groom's father, as we see in
newspapers.

I was given various reasons:

1. The businessmen/ traders have a  market value(fictitious) which does not
mean assets or liability, but based on some market perceptions, he is judged
for his credit worthiness. And market will set some credit limits for him.
If he does not spend, so much money in his daughter's marriage, his market
credibility will go down and the creditors will press him for repayments. Or
by such announcements, he want to increase his market rating. Market thinks
that he can spend so much money in his daughter's marriage, hence he should
be loaded.

2. Also in the process, if he can get a groom in a family of a bigger
businessman, his market rating will go up, hence he can get more market
loans or credit for his business.

3. Similarly, the same principal apply in son's marriage. If the son is
married to a lower status (certainly with less dowry and pump & show) ,
father/company credit rating will go down, however, if son marries in a
higher/ richer family, market rating will go up, thinking that if anything
happens to the father's company, the bride's family will bail them because
of the security or comforts of their daughter.

4. Does it explains, why people are prepared to give higher dowry? People
will not
    understand who are not businessmen.

5. There are other reasons:
    According to law, daughters have equal rights in the fathers property.
However, It
    is  generally not practiced.   The daughters don't ask for it. Shouldn't
they
    get  something.  So if daughters get some dowry; what's a problem?

    Then, How the Dowry can be illegal? Our legal system is faulty.

    One brother was telling that if the sisters ask for their share in the
property, then the          whole social  system which is more sympathetic
towards sisters and daughters, will
 cease and we won't treat the sisters in the manner we treat them now;
giving them gifts,     whenever they visits us or on many special occasions.
They will loose their all  social rights. Forget about Raksha bandhan or
those expensive gifts which are given by brothers at the  time of sister's
child birth or marriage.

6. Can anybody tell me why the dowry is higher for IIM-MBA; MBBS; Engineers;
CAs, and low for clerk in a private company/Govt/Banks and an unemployed
(nobody want them, why?). In my opinion, Dowry is a balancing system of
market demand and supply.

7. My observation, is that the problem of dowry menace is more among those
communities where this  subject is not discussed (or negotiated) properly
before marriage and the groom family frowns when dowry less than
expectations.

8. As long as the system of arranged marriage will continue, the dowry
system will never be eradicated.

8. So the topic first should be discussed
    'arranged marriages or free marriages, similar to western system of
total freedom'
    Can we are ready to adopt?

This is my first attempt in many years.

Shyam



------------------------------------------------------------------------------
To join/leave, use the form at: http://www.mumbai-central.com/nukkad/#options
This list is archived at: http://www.mumbai-central.com/nukkad/archive.html