[nukkad] A horoscope for the workplace

[apeksha k <1>]

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In the UK, the institutionalised insane, imprisoned criminals and members 
of the House of Lords don't get to vote in elections. Whether these constitute 
one, two or three categories is left as an exercise for the reader. - raswr-j
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A horoscope for the workplace


ASTROLOGY tells us about you and your future simply by
your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of
your birth. Demographics tell us what you like,
dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you
watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step
further: simply by your job title, people will have
you all figured out... 

Marketing : You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a
marketing degree to avoid having to study in college,
concentrating instead on drinking and socialising,
which is pretty much what your job responsibilities
are now. Least compatible with Sales. 

Sales : Laziest of all signs, often referred to as
‘marketing without a degree,’ you are also
self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you
and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid
contact with ‘customers’ so you can ‘concentrate on
the big picture.’ You seek admiration for your golf
game throughout your life. 

Technology : Unable to control anything in your
personal life, you are instead content to completely
control everything that happens at your workplace.
Often even you don't understand what you are saying,
but who the hell can tell! It is written that the
geeks shall inherit the Earth. 

Engineering : One of only two signs that actually
studied in school, it is said that ninety percent of
all personal ads are placed by engineers. You can be
happy with yourself: your office is typically full of
all the latest ‘ergodynamic’ gadgets. However, we all
know what is really causing your ‘carpal tunnel’... 

Accounting : The only other sign that studied in
school, you are mostly immune from office politics.
You are the most feared person in the organization;
combined with your extreme organizational traits, the
majority of rumors concerning you say that you are
completely insane. 

Human resources : Ironically, given your access to
confidential information, you tend to be the biggest
gossip within the organization. Possibly the only
other person that does less work than marketing, you
are unable to return any calls today because you have
to get a haircut, have lunch, and mail a letter! 

Middle management/department management/’team leads’ :
Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are
destined to remain at your current job for the rest of
your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend
to measure your worth by the number of meetings you
can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other
‘middle managers,’ as everyone in your social circle
is a ‘middle manager’. 

Senior management : Catty, cut-throat, yet completely
spineless, you are destined to remain at your current
job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single
decision you tend to measure your worth by the number
of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited
to marry other ‘senior managers’, as everyone in your
social circle is a ‘senior manager’. 

Customer service : Bright, cheery, positive, you are a
fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a
child very few of you asked your parents for a little
cubicle for your room and a headset so you could
pretend to play ‘customer service’. Continually passed
over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with
your boss. 






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