[nukkad] What's behind corporate lingo?

[apeksha k <apeksha k <apeksha02@yahoo.com>>]

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In the UK, the institutionalised insane, imprisoned criminals and members 
of the House of Lords don't get to vote in elections. Whether these constitute 
one, two or three categories is left as an exercise for the reader. - raswr-j
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What's behind corporate lingo?


"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF
EXPERIENCE:" You'll need it to replace three people
who just left. 

"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a
company in perpetual chaos. 

"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the
responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or
respect. 

"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates,
you listen, figure out what they want and do. 

"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE
ORGANISATION: "I've used Microsoft Office. 

"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer
office supplies. 

"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you
don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had. 

"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my
mistakes. 

"I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal
advice to co-workers. 

"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer. 

"I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot. 

"I AM ON THE GO:" I'm never at my desk. 

"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a
better job, I'm outta there. 

"I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:" Like, I'm
gonna hold my breath waiting for your form letter
thanking me "for my interest and wishing me luck in my
future career". 




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