[nukkad] Memoirs of an IWI (Indian Kiwi)

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Tip of the day:  You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.
    --John Viscount Morley 
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Proud to be Indian ,by Fiona D'Souza

It's difficult to explain prejudice to people belonging to the majority race 
of a country. Everyone's experiences are so different depending on where 
they grow up, the values with which they are brought up, the friends they 
have and so many other things. My partner, Greg who is 'white' doesn't 
really appreciate the extent of racism in New Zealand. Prior to meeting me 
he thought racism didn't exist here at all. I have tried to explain to him 
what it's like to be subjected to racism and growing up being different. Now 
that our children have begun to experience racism he is able to appreciate 
what it's like.

I feel envious of children who grow up proud of who they are and of their 
heritage. I look at people who stand tall and believe in themselves and I 
feel robbed.

Experiences such as being called 'Blackie' or 'Nigger" whilst walking home 
alone from school have an impact on th person I was then and I am today. I 
never went home and discussed such incidents- the thought of sharing the 
shame never entered my head. It would have been altogether too much to admit 
to. In retrospect I wish I hadn't carried such emotions alone.

I remember being called a 'curry muncher' and hating the colour of my skin. 
No amount of soap could wash it off but if I lathered the soap thickly I 
could pretend momentarily that I had white skin too. My wee niece recently 
went through the same soap procedure. While I feel for her that she has 
sufferred experiences that cause her to feel this way, I am glad that unlike 
me, she is sharing her feelings.

As I've grown older the racism in my life has decreased markedly. I think, 
as people grow older we are more knowledgeable and have more tact. We also 
know what is acceptable and what we can or can't get away with. I'd like to 
think it's also to do with our society becoming more appreciative of it's 
multicultural make up.

I know part of the reason for the reduction in the racism I experience is 
due to my own pride. At the end of my school years the entire family made 
the trip back to India. Not one of the seven children were particularly 
excited about the trip. We had spent our childhood years trying to forget 
our ethnicity which had brought us pain in growing up being different. 
Trying to hide from the stereotyped negative visions kids seemed to have of 
India- the poverty, filth, the cast system, arranged marriages, dowry system 
and the dots on the foreheads. But the trip made the difference to us. It 
was eye opening to see the pride of our Indian cousins. It was a change to 
be exposed to views from the other side and to experience the many rich 
dimensions of India: her rich history, diverse culture, warmth and 
continuous excitement.We were still not part of the majority in India- we 
were from overseas and had funny New Zealand accents which people struggled 
to understand. But we could see that there was so much pride to being 
Indian. We began to realise the privilege of having a background, a 
heritage, tradtions, relations such as ours.

I have returned to India a couple of times since- once for a year to develop 
a deeper relationship with the country of my origin and then again to 
introduce Greg to another part of myself- my other country, my relations and 
my heritage. The year I spent there was great in providing me the 
opportunity to be part of the day to day life of India. I deepened my 
relationships with my relatives, I established my own relationships whilst 
working with India's needy and had great times with other foreigners who had 
fallen in love with India.

It's difficult to know how much my Indian background is assimilated into my 
life. I know some of my habits, preferences and values are affected but can 
never know to what extent. People often say I don't look Indian. I think 
that's mainly because there seems to be a stereotyped view of what an Indian 
looks like and yet India is such a vast and diverse country that a person 
coming from the North looks different from a person from the south. The 
Catholics look different to the Hindus.

As an adult you can travel the world and experience how it feels to be a 
minority but that won't give a person a true idea of how it is to grow up 
being a minority- being different.

Greg's great at making me value my Indian identity. He shares my desire for 
our children to maintain contact with their ethnic heritage. It is important 
to us both that they experience India themselves. We incorporate parts of 
the Indian culture into their lives, sharing the our connection to India, 
speaking of our experiences there, viewing photos, maintaining relationships 
with people in India and planning to travel back there one day. Greg was 
fine with my desire for our children and I to maintain a name which depicted 
our ethnical difference so the kids have my surname.

The other day my fifteen year old niece was telling me she hated being 
Indian (that explains the blue contact lenses and the brown hairdye). I 
understand where she's coming from. I know how important it is for young 
people to identify with their peers. But my heart aches for her and for the 
many young people I encounter who wish their ethnic identities were the same 
as the majority race. I look at the cultural groups here who celebrate their 
heritage and enable their children to feel proud. I look forward to my own 
children and my neices and nephews making the journey to India and getting 
in touch with their cultural identities. My hope for them is that they too 
discover the pride in being Indian that may or may not come with growing up 
as a minority in New Zealand.



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