Re: [nukkad] Happy marriage

["Net Geek" <>]

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Dear Nukkies

>burn all the men who take dowry !!
>
>--- aryaone  wrote:
> >
> > DO AWAY WITH DOWRY
>

Let us do a reality check. Dowry in its present form is defenitely a bane 
but one should not forget that like many other customs it got transformed 
into a social evil. My understanding is that dowry was the daughter's share 
in the form of money, so that the landed property  and other physical assets 
remained with the family. In other words it is something a parent gifts his 
or her daughter and the girl's husband or would be spouse is no where in the 
picture. But somewhere down the line it took its present detestable form 
where the goom and his family members started dictating dowry amounts.

Another aspect is the oft vilification of men as greedy ones waiting to grab 
dowry and disregard the bride. One should understand that in many cases 
especially in arranged marriages it is the bride's parents who offer dowry 
and not the groom's side demanding it. This defenitely happened in my case 
where my in-laws gifted dowry money and not me or my parents demanding it. 
When objected by me their response was that my wife being their only 
daughter they should not be stopped from gifting her share and jewellery. 
However I can take relief of the fact that not even a single dime was spent 
from that amount, during our married life till date. All that money remains 
in fixed deposits in her name (I repeat "her name"). Same is the case of the 
jewellery, it is in her custody and not worn by my parents or other 
relatives.  As for marriage expenses, my parents bore the marriage expenses 
wheras my in-laws took care of the engagement ceremony.

Now on to what could be done? From my personal experience, we never felt the 
need to spend any of the dowry amount at any point of our married life. 
Whatever we have now was built from scratch by me and my wife out of our 
salaries. Hence I don't see any need for dowry. So my opinion is defenitely 
no to dowry. Providing share to one's daughter should be left to her 
parents, but strictly voluntary and the groom should not in any way 
condsider it as his prerogative. One practical step such parents could do is 
to deposit the money in the girl's name and not to hand it over the groom or 
his parents. Other option is to provide the girl's share only during the 
division of property and not during her marriage.

Having said all these I positively feel that things are certainly changing 
for good. My brother's marriage did not involve any dowry. And more and more 
people are falling in that line. Let us hope for the best.


Bye


Netgeek
--------

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