Re: [nukkad] Nukkad Dowry Survey

["aryaone" <>]

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Tip of the day:  Smile!
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THE NUKKAD DOWRY QUIZ

Results -

The following folks participated by sending in their opinions.
The standard was a simple yes or no to the question of dowry.

Herewith are their notations with a summary of their comments.
By the nature of this report the comments are excerpts and may seem
taken out of context.

The only alternative was to include whole emails, which would not
be feasible.

Evil Kid: No
Comments: burn all the men who take dowry ..!!

Shyamala Sathiaseelan: No.
Comments: No I would not!
Note: Shyamalaji also reported a touching personal tale which more
or less does away with any practice of dowry.

Vaibhav Dandavate: No.
Comments: No I would not. It's just un-acceptable, whatever is the
explanation. A BIG NO to DOWRY !!!

Indian Rediff: No.
Comments: You should know MY answer. It is NO.
NO dowry. PERIOD.

And I have both - a boy AND a girl.
Note: This also has reference to a comment by Pankajji.

Raginiji: No.
Comments: Hence I don't see any need for dowry. So my opinion
is definitely no to dowry. Providing share to one's daughter
should be left to her. Let us hope for the best.

Bharat Kapadia: No.
Comments: No, NO, DEFINITELY 100% NO!!!!!

No, I would not.

Nobody from my family, myself, my two brothers, my father, my grandfather
(That's as far back as I know) has taken a paisa in dowry.

Jamane ne kaha, le le dowry,
Maine kaha, nahi chahiye ek phooti cowrie.
Peeche reh jaoge, jamane ne kaha,
Sasural ki izzat hai pyaari, mein use bola.

Milind Sathe: No.
Comments: I seem top have lost the email. If I am missing
something, I apologize.

Maverick: No
Comments: I don't have any kid's, nor any bro's & sister, (only child :) )
Not Married (a free soul)
Still my answer would be
No I would Not... take Dowry

Hiroo Pardasani: No.
Comments: Against.

Pankaj Gupta: Not clear.
Comments: [excerpts] Many would say: I did it, but wouldn't do
it again! Hey, have you got a chance? Those who aren't hypocrites
are dumb enough to effectively say that women don't deserve
any of their parent's monies--not in their (parents') life-time,
at least.

... Do you want to say: the daughter shouldn't enjoy her parent's
wealth till they are alive? That is why, the question I raised that
why the woman should leave her parental home remains very
pertinent.

... women in India (or elsewhere) are always an insignificant
other. If she has the control of the assets, whatever the parents
wish to part with for her, dowry would be a complete non-issue. ..

Well, in the times of political correctness, I won't say I will accept or
give Dowry, but I will assure the bride her fair share, and "try" that it
remains hers and is used by her or at her consent (As homiji said, after
marriage, it's, after all, their life!).

Net Geek Bhavin Bhatt: [for himself] No I am against it. For daughter:
[not sure]
Comments: Reason: Call it my false-pride or stubbornness, I don't want
anyone dictating me at a later date on the grounds that what we are
and what we posses are in some way because of monetary help from my in-laws.
... I should be able to take pride of the fact that all our achievements
can be attributed to the efforts of me and my wife.

However I'm wary if my daughter confronts me with the argument that, me
having accepted dowry why she should be prevented from acquiring her
rightful share. Also what moral right do I have to demand that my in-laws
should not give any money to their daughter just because she happens to be
my wife? After all she is their daughter

Asha Anand: No
Comments: None.

Bhavin Bhatt: No.
Comments: It is not a tradition in our community (Gujarati Brahmin)
to give or take dowry. My brother / sister got married without exchanging
dowry. Same in my case. In future there is no chance dowry in marriage
of any kid of our family.

My wife's family gave her clothes, household things etc.
The jewelry is with her only and no one was/ is /will use them.

They gave some money to buy a storwell as it was not
feasible to transport it. The money was deposited in her
account and still is unused from last 4 years although we have
purchased the storwell..

Girish Dixit:No.
Comments: Against.

Ravi Menon:No
Comments: ... the system of taking/giving is so reprehensible
that I did not think the average educated person need even spend
a moment thinking about it.

... At the risk of sounding gross let me recount a little story that
concerned a "friend". this "friend" a PhD from Banaras Hindu
Univ was working as a post doc fellow in mumbai when ...
was looking fwd to a huge sum in dowry. another person who
was listening in asked him a question that stopped him dead in his
tracks.. the rest of us collapsed in laughter and the question was ...
ur privates are they gold plated that u sell yourself like a ......

V. Venugopal: No
Comments: I belong to a small area in Kerala where Dowry system
is non-existent. In the Walluvanad area (comprising of PARTS of
present day Palakkad, Trichur and Malappuram Districts of Kerala)
of South Malabar,  it is considered to be demeaning to talk of such
thing during marriage proposals.

Marriage function & feast ... expenses are also split, though the bride's
parents spend more.

... It is that girls are still not considered as Paraya Dhan. Even after
marriage, the girl has as much right in her parent's house as she had
before marriage. Perhaps that is the reason why Dowry system is
never practiced in that area.

Even in Walluvanad, among communities which traditionally followed
matrilineal system, dowry system exists.

LL Jain: No
Comments: Against.

statistical implications:

no. of people who responded - 17
no of people on forum [approximate] - 400
no. of people who did not respond - 383.

Of the 17 who responded:
15 are unequivocally against.
2 cannot be categorized as clearly yes or no.

Inference: In almost all cases the ones who voted against had
a family-community-societal infrastructure which influenced
the answer.

Hypothesis: Infrastructure influences attitude towards dowry.

Infrastructure: family, society, peers, belief system, caste structure.

Education and affluence had no significant role.

Conclusion: values of family, society and peer creates and perpetuates
dowry participation.

Comments and discussion are welcome.

Arya.










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