[nukkad] For Mothers Everywhere

["Ragini" <>]

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Tip of the day:  When spiders unite, they can tie down a lion
- Ethiopian Proverb
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Hi Friends,
Read something beautiful today.
Hope you all, too, enjoy.

Ragini
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For Mothers Everywhere

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions
that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."
"We're taking a survey,"  she says, half-joking. "Do you think
I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone
neutral.  "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends,
no more spontaneous trips...."

But that is not what I meant at all.  I look at my daughter, trying to
decide what to tell her. I want her to know  what she will never learn
in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the  physical wounds of
child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will  leave her with an
emotional wound so raw that she will forever be  vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper
without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane
crash,every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of
starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching
your
child die.

I regard her newly found confidence as an adult and think that no
matter how womanly she she has become, being a mother will reduce her to
the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop her dinner or her
best dish without a moment's hesitation.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in
her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might
arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important
business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have
to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make
sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be
routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room
rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma.

However decisive she may be at work, she will second-guess herself
constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to
assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but
she will never feel the same  about herself. That her life, now so
important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would
give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope
for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child
accomplish
theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will
become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way
she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who
is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.
I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for
reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women
throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk
driving.

I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but
become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my
children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child
learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft
fur of a dog or a cat for the first time.  I want her to taste the joy that
is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my
eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say.

Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent
prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble
their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God
that of being a Mother.


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