[nukkad] Movie Review : Khajuraho

[Akshay Joshi <>]

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Tip of the day:  Forgive your enemies, it drives them really nuts.
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Hi folks,
  It has always been my desire to be the Khalid Mohamed of "B" grade movies
and this desire coupled with the fact that the present monotonous communal
discussion on nukkad needs a refreshing change compels me to write this
movie review.
Fortunate are the ones who are connoisseurs of the second rung movies that
are made on shoestring budgets without wasting crores of rupees and without
the director having to tolerate the tantrums of umpteen mega-stars. My
salaam to Dev Anand saheb, Mithun-da & Ramsay brothers of the world without
whom this hobby of mine would have been non-existent. So here we go.

Movie: KHAJURAHO
Starring: Mamta Kulkarni, Sadhika, Mink Singh, Miss Unknown, Vishal (Lucky
Swine)
Director: Ashok Kumar (not the "Jewel thief" one please)

Review
	Set in the backdrop of the evergreen erotic temple town of India -
the one and only "Khajuraho" as the name suggests - this movie revolves
around the "basic" desires and lives of four people. At the onset of the
movie itself you realize that apart from the famous temples the town also
has another specialty - "lack of bathrooms". Also because the ladies there
believe in the tenet "cleanliness is next to godliness" they leave no stone
unturned in carefully cleaning every part of their body in the local pond
(with a close-up camera frolicking all over).

	The movie thus begins with the local "Devdasi"(Mamtaji) bathing
lavishly in the pond, taking her time, slowly coming out and offering her
prayers to none other than the destroyer "lord Shiva". At about the same
time the hero (Vishal) arrives in the medieval town from Paris with the
noble aim of writing an article on the temple town of Khajuraho.In the same
bus arrives Miss Unknown (Mamta'sister) whose modesty the local goons try to
outrage upon arrival. How's that for a red carpet welcome. The hero as one
would expect makes his super-human entry and beats up the goons with flying
kicks and punches galore and before she knows it Miss Unknown is head over
heels in love with the hero. A few steps ahead cupid strikes again, the hero
spots the village belle Mukta (Sadhika) and falls for her before you can
"slam bam". After this all hell breaks lose as the minds and lives of all
the main characters starts to get controlled by their lower torsos. The
overtly hot & ravishing Miss Unknown, who at one point openly declares to
her sister about many "icchaen"(desires) in her "jawaan"(young) mind, is
spurned time and again by the morally sound hero. The amorous attempts are
accompanied by skimpy clothes and lusty dialogues by Miss Unknown and moral
justifications for refusal by our man of character (hero) in "shudh"(pure)
Hindi. One is bound to have fits of sidesplitting laughter though these
scenes are meant to be serious. Also there is a particular hotel owner who
pops in between times, a unique mix of south-Indian & UPite whose only
pre-occupation seems to be achieving conjugal bliss with his better (n
bigger) half. In the meanwhile the hero keeps desiring Mukta (Sadhika) in
the form of ample songs and dream sequences. Dream sequences serve the dual
purpose of proving the innocence of the village belle at the same time
titillating the audience however. Finally the motherless Mukta (Sadhika) is
married off to hero-ji on the request of her father with disastrous effect
on Miss Unknown who lets loose a flood of tears clutching a photo of her
object of desire: our hero-ji. When one envisages a "happily ever after"
scenario for our coochie cooing couple there is a sudden twist in the tale.
On the wedding night when hero tries to consummate his marriage Mukta-belle
(Sadhika) leaves him dumb folded by saying that she married just on her
father's insistence and has no desire to unite physically with anyone. This
dialogue is accompanied by violent lightning that writes the word
"intermission" on the screen (kudos to the special effects guy).

	The second half sees a devastated hero in whose life happiness is as
scarce as water in the Sahara. Not being able to fulfill duties of his
"daampanti jeevan" he wears a grievous "bhramachari" + "devdas" look and
goes to Mamtaji who also happens to be the consultant for basic instincts
apart from being the dev-dasi of the village. Always clad in extremely shiny
& skimpy traditional clothes that belong to an unspecified era this dev-dasi
gives a sympathetic but keen ear to the hero's woes. Mamta correctly
diagnoses the problem in a manner that would have left even Dr Christian
Barnard's head hanging with shame & the saga of euphemisms begin. The film
uses plenty euphemisms to make the dialogue sound less cheap but
unfortunately the effort has fallen flat on its face resulting in a good
time for one n all. Mamta diagnoses the problem as Belle's (Sadhika) lack of
"duniyadaari" which has resulted from her being motherless (as per mamta
"duniyadaari" is what mothers are supposed to teach). She assures hero that
she shall teach the requisite art to mukta and engender the hero's
non-existent "Dampanti Sukh"(Marital bliss). Then using the age-old
sculptures of Khajuraho Mamtaji teaches the belle about the secrets,
pleasures and necessity of the most elusive, desired n sought after act in
the world - - the "raison de atre" of life - - the crux of "Daampanti
Jeevan"(Marital Life). In the meanwhile there is a second round of attempts
by Miss Unknown who on overhearing the hero's sorry tale assumes that the
time is ripe to get her thirst quenched. This time she is firmly told by the
"even more morally determined" hero that he does not desire pleasure by any
"un-uchit dhang"(improper way). After valuable lessons given by the
ravishing teacher who in the course of lesson also reveals her love story
and the tragic death of her passion filled love, belle wastes no time in
getting into the act and taking her hubby:our dear hero to seventh heaven.
Miss unknown makes a last ditch attempt to kill belle while belle is bathing
in a pond but fails and is rebuked strongly by the hero. Upon this she gets
herself bitten by a snake (anybody for the Cleopatra style) and her whole
body turns blue (kudos to the special effects guy again). This is as close
as it gets to a blue movie in case you people were expecting too much. Only
after Mamta does the much-repeated "ferociously emotionally blackmailing
god" ham scene and offers herself against her sister's life does Shiv
Bhagwan spare the life of Miss Unknown. Spurned in love Miss Unknown becomes
a dev-dasi herself (unlike her compatriots in other movies who come between
the villain's bullet n heroine to make the supreme sacrifice). As for the
couple they finally achieve the ultimate objectives of "Daampanti Jeevan"
albeit in full public view on the silver screen and the fabulous film comes
to a glorious happy end.

	All in all this film contains more flesh display than the "Deonar
Abattoir" in addition to crisp dialogue writing and excellent songs that
spice up the horny dream sequences. Mamta naturally does what she does best:
dance well, look good, act atrocious and arouse. Sadhika looks pretty and
lives up to the character of the innocent village belle and one must say she
has a long way to go and a "surf-excel" bright career to look forward to.
Mink Singh's role is reduced to a single village cabaret song & thus she has
been tragically wasted. The cinematography is excellent and the editing and
storyline more abstract than the paintings of Pablo Piccaso.There is no
apparent relation even in two consecutive scenes. The movie has explored all
possibilities of titillation and walks precariously on the borders of "B"
grade & beyond, skillfully avoiding Asha Parekh's scissors. My salutations
to the masters of entertainment who have ensured a fun filled three hours
for all those who care to see this masterpiece.

PS:1) WARNING:Please avoid watching this movie with family & formal
acquaintances.
   2) I am planning to start a "B" grade movie appreciation
course.Volunteers and ideas expected.Please dont dissappoint me.	

	













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