RE: Arranged MArriages - Pros & Cons

[Indian Rediff <>]

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This is a very interesting topic. It is very close and dear to my heart so I
will try to add to the confusion :-)

I have been to both sides of the fence - so to speak. I think there is
nothing inherently wrong in either arranged marriages (mine is one) or love
marriages (I was saved from a disaster here).

The essential prerequisite is that BOTH partners KNOW what they are letting
themselves in to. The pluses for an arranged marriage include the following:

i)   no preconceived notions about romance etc.
ii)  societal pressures to make the marriage 'work'
iii) a simple change in the romantic sequence of events - meet, marry, fall
in love :-)
iv)  a maturity that is (IMHO) necessary to make a marriage work

The pluses for a love marriage would include the following:
i)   good knowledge of the 'other' partner
ii)  personal commitment to make the relationship 'work'
iii) the choice of marriage is personal. No societal pressures

Having said all this, I would hazard to say that YES, a couple of meeting IS
enough to be able to get a pulse of the person and decide YES or NO -
whether this is the right person. My feeling is that with the 'right'
person, one definitely KNOWS.

At the same time, one has to be careful and NOT reject someone simply
because the first two meetings were not good. There are dangers in ALL of
this. But (and that is how it happened in my case) I believe in the 'gut
feeling'. There is something indescribable about the feeling one gets when
one meets Mr/Ms Right.

All I can say is that, if there are any 'alarm bells' going off in your
head, be not enamoured or pressurised by the moment. Pay GOOD attention to
the warning bells - for they are BUT a portender of the future. This is
beyond the obvious obnoxiousness that puts one off within the first five
minutes.

Another tip I'd like to dole out is - AVOID all communications UNTIL you
have met the other person. After that phones, e-mails, chat rooms are all
fair game. But UNTIL then, please, take my advise - communication in any
form (other than  for setting up the meeting) is ill-advised.

Indian


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