[nukkad] Positive marriages from the heart

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Positive marriages from the heart
KALPANA JAIN  TIMES NEWS NETWORK

If it takes extraordinary courage to live with HIV, it takes a lot more to 
warmly embrace those with it and bring them into your own life. Would anyone 
want to do so consciously? Ask Mehar, Indrani and Reena. They have married 
men they knew to be living with HIV even though it meant altering their 
day-to-day existence in its constantly changing landscape.

For these educated, middle-class, working young women ^ in three different 
metropolitan cities, Mumbai, Chennai and Delhi ^ marriage was not about 
seeking fulfilment by taking on the traditional roles of being wife and 
mother; it was also not about the longevity of their partners. It was an 
understanding of their sexuality. And once convinced of their strong 
feelings, there was nothing to hold them back.

Mehar, a counsellor herself, has married a social activist; Indrani, working 
with an NGO, married a doctor and Reena,running her independent 
business,tied the knot with a writer. Their interactions started at a 
professional level. This is when they also got to know about the infected 
status of their partners. Love came in gradually. Mehar gave herself a year 
to be sure that it was not sympathy and also to make the man she fell for, 
acquiesce.

Predictably, families were just not willing to accept this situation. There 
were doubts, acrimony and finally rejection. Mehar's parents pleaded with 
her that they would not be able to bear such a marriage. ``No parent wants 
to see their children die before they do,'' her father sobbed as he believed 
his daughter was signing her own death warrant. After all, just one instance 
of unprotected sex can result in transmission of HIV. Reena's family too was 
just not willing to accept her decision. ``Why jump into a well when you 
know it is a well?'' they fumed. Indrani faced similar verbal lashing.
But once they had reached a clear understanding in their own minds that 
there was no risk involved, Mehar, Reena and Indrani could withstand the 
opposition. With friends providing the necessary support, these women set 
about reworking their lives, adjusting quietly to the new demands. Living 
with HIV meant that there could be no late nights as medicines had to be 
taken; probing relatives had to be kept a good distance off as secrecy 
became so crucial for their lives and a simple fever could get them fretting 
for days together. Most of all sex would always have to be protected and 
there was no room for impulsive passion.

As for living with an impending fear of death? It is part of everyone's 
life, says Mehar. ``Who knows what will happen next in life? What if I am 
married to someone who reveals his HIV status only after marriage?,'' she 
questions. ``The biggest adjustment to be made is learning to be quiet,'' 
says Reena who has never associated marriage with longevity. A short life 
with someone, lived well is more fulfilling, she says.

One virus is teaching people to live differently. (Names have been changed.)

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow.asp?art_id=1512558549



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